Finding the words to express my
feelings and thoughts are next to impossible right at this moment. The last nine weeks have been a whirl wind! Being an emotional person, it’s fair to say
there was a lot of up and down emotions.
They were starting to take over!
I started the Freedom in Christ
study during this time period and I was still in the time of the waiting. Waiting is not easy to do. I’d been playing this waiting game for a year
and three months already! I just needed
it to be over!
Thank Goodness I started the
Freedom in Christ series in the last few weeks of waiting. NO it is not a fix all. I didn’t read a book and wake up cured of
all negative thoughts. Nor did I have
all the answers to life. However what I
did have (And it’s not perfected! Just
sayin.) was a book with tools and a
group that supports me! Couldn’t have
come at a better time as we reached the end my emotions were running high and I
was honestly starting to lose my positive perspective that I normally try to
focus on. There were many many shed
tears in Jenn’s car as I told her.. I was not strong enough to fight this any
longer. Of course her being my friend
refused to let me think that way. She
was good at trying to build me up. She spoke truths and held me accountable for
my thoughts. Thankfully for her we are
going through this Freedom study too so she had the same tools and was able to
remind me of those things too…
The tools are what SCRIPTURE says
is true about me. What God says about
me. Not what I feel about myself. Sometimes I allow my feelings to take away from
the truths.
Now as I am entering this study it’s
focusing on breaking strong holds which means dealing with the past. Quite frankly I don’t want to deal with the
past. I want to leave it buried and be
done. However if that’s the method I
continue to have.. I will never be truly be free.. (Yes still working hard with this one.. So
not an overnight fix it)
So painting a pictures lots of
emotions all over the place.. Truths being learned and accepted and lots of
growing.
Then two weeks ago the waiting
period ended! The battle of which I had
been fighting for 18 months was finally over…
I struggle with saying over. I
feel like it deserves so much more than that.
I prepared my heart for the
outcome to not be what I wanted. I was
ready to take it as it was. God wanted
to show me just how big he was. God’s
name was g in the end. The impossible
had become possible! I am just so
Thankful that we have such amazing God.
I can’t help but shout praises all day long! There is so much more I want to say and I
will. I am still working on putting it
together. I just needed to share something
now!
18 months of ups and downs. I would do this 18 months again and again and
again. Yes I shed a lot of tears. Yes there were moments that hurt so badly I
couldn’t breathe. However what I gained
can not be replaces. It should not be
replaced. My trust in the Lord is
stronger now than ever before! My needs
were met. I gained some of the best relationships
with people that I can’t picture not having in my life. I am just so in awe right now. More to come… The journey continues.
