Finding Comfort

I am curled up with my favorite blanket that Rachel made me and I have a movie with Marie Osmond's voice playing. For those of you who don't know I am a big Marie Osmond fan and when I was younger when ever I was upset I found comfort in her cds. I may be a dork but at least I own it and I am not afraid to admit it. I also now find blogging to be my online journal and it brings me comfort, so this is what this is finding my comfort.

With me I am ONE emotional person, I feel everything and I take everything to heart. My feelings get hurt in a blink of an eye, and I am tired of hearing grow tough skin because well after 26 years it hasn't happened. Yes I've made growth as a person, I firmly believe that but the tough skin isn't something I am ever going to have. I believe in my heart that I was blessed with a sensitive soul for a reason and I am going to start embracing it! SO WHAT! If I cry? Why is it such a big deal?

I don't really know where I am going with this blog expect for getting up pent up anger and emotions out. Here I have been thinking the last few weeks that I am doing great and growing and finding things out only to find out that I am really no where different then I was six months ago. I am just depressed... I am sick and tired of always feeling like the failure. Always feeling that I give with a hundred and ten percent and it means nothing. I just right now feel like I am failing again and I hate failure I am afraid of failure.. I know alot of it has to do with my emotions..

So I am soul searching.. Who do I want to be? What do I want to do when I grow up? Only I can make myself happy.... So what can I do to find happiness?


On the up side, I do see God's Handy work everyday! THANK YOU LORD for snail mail when your day has gone down the tube with a simple a I LOVE YOU at the end. Thank GOD for a child's innocents hug and tender words when you can't see the brightness in the world. Thank GOD for friends who put up with your emotional side and don't tell you to grow a tough skin. Thank GOD for friends who can make you laugh in a way no one else can. THANK GOD for friends from the past that re surface just when you need them. Thank God for the family you've been given. Thank GOD for the little things in life that make you smile.

I THANK GOD that even when I am having a sadder day that I am still loved and blessed.

Thinking out loud

The last 3 nights I have been up in the wee hours of the night, it's not something I enjoy and it is a bit lonely at times. I am a sleep person I need sleep to function. The first day it was doable the second day was alright the third day was just annoying until I stopped and took a deep breath and realized that its not about me. Not everything is about me, and if I am going to call myself a child of God then I need to listen to when he's speaking to me. It doesn't matter how many times he tried to teach me that lesson I always end up messing it up. Good thing he is patient and loving. So I've realized I have been busy during the day and not making the time for him. So he's going to get me when he can. I've found myself praying for people, people I hardly know some for people that get under my skin and for some of the people that mean the world to me.

It's a good reminder that no matter what's going on in my life, I am God's child and I am not alone and he will use me when and how he can. I have FAITH in him and I love him...

So if you have any prayers drop me a line I'll be sure to pray.

Love

Jaxie :)

Thanksgiving

Today is Thanksgiving and it is by far my favorite holiday, not just because I get to eat though that is a high light! It's a day where I can really feel how blessed I am. Yeah I am sappy and emotional so of course this day ranks up there for me!

I have so many things to be thankful for, so many things that I take for granted everyday. First I have a warm place to live. The past few days have been very cold and it's reminded me how grateful I am that I have a house and heater and a bed and blankets. Things that some some people just don't have.

Here's one thing I am thankful for that some people think is silly but its big to me. I am thankful for my pets. I have three amazing animals who NEVER judge me they never put me down they never make me feel bad about myself they never hurt my feelings they are loyal and they love me flaws and all even when I let them down they never let me down. Animals are pretty amazing if I could I would have more. Yep crazy animal lover here :) My heart goes out to them!

I am thankful for a job, I've watched my parents struggle this past year with having jobs and then not having jobs its scary, I am just so thankful I have a job that I love that I get to go to everyday... Even when its hard to get out of bed or even when I have a bad day at work I still have it, its still mine and I still love it hard days and all... The small hugs I get make up for the hard days... I love being Miss. Backie as one little guy says :)

Now on to my family, it's a crazy group and we are all flawed but then again who has a family that isn't? Mine is not perfect far from it honestly but it's mine! :)

Then, I have the family that I've picked my friends. I am so blessed to have such an amazing group of friends. Some I've known for years and years and some I've only known since May of this year but each one very special to me. Sure we've hurt each other and have had our fights but we aren't perfect what we have is a common ground love for each other and I am learning to really trust from them. They make me who I am they are helping me grow and change and become the person I want to be.

They say you are blessed if you can count up three close friends, but I have more then three far more then three. Its a miracle and wonderful and a big gift wow!

I am also blessed to be able to freely believe in my God and talk about him and witness his miracles and not have to worry about losing my life for it. That to me is amazing!

I am so thankful for my flaws and my strengths they make me who I am. And I am at the point I am no longer ashamed of all my flaws I am not proud of them but I am learning to live with them and grow from them..

I am just Thankful to be alive and have a great life.

This is Jaxie signing out wishing you a very happy holiday season :)

Alright Meggers I updated just for you!

Bithday?

I just had another great Birthday, it's true what they the older you get the faster it goes by. I am still in shock I just had another one. It really only feels like a few months ago from my last one. Crazy.

So I am another year older and I hope that means another year wiser? I want to believe that I've grown and matured and become a better person in the last 365 days.

I try my harderst to be the best that I can be and love myself for who I am. Though that's NOT always easy. In the past year I've learned that the more positive you think the more positve you are. I try to start my day on a positive thought every day and ya know something? I have more good days then bad days.

Fun fact did you know that Oct 5th is the most popular day for babies being born? If you count backwards that leads you up to New Years eve.. Hmm Fun night?

It was a quiet Birthday but filled with so much love. I am so thankful for all of my friends and family God has put into my life. I am blessed. I can't imagine not having any of them. I LOVE YOU ALL! You know who you are!

As I write to you I am watching my rabbit run around the house and my little bitty kitty play with her it brings me such joy. I hope that next year at this time I remember all the joy I have and I hope I can still find it so easily.

who knew a bunny and a cat could bring joy but its there.

Well I am off I have another play tonight. HOPEFULLY I dont fall off any stages this time.

Yikes..

Daily Challenge

CH: Daily Challenge: Fill the pkng. meter 4 the person in after U OR Pay for an elderly person's groc. bill. (unless they're big on booze...:)

The picture above is NOT from my Birthday it just reminds me how blessed I am. I LOVE YA LEANNE!

Blogging

Yikes I haven't blogged in forever!

I said I wasn't going to do that but I guess I was wrong life got in the way. Crazy old life. Crazy is the word on my tongue the last few weeks have been crazy and intense filled but God's been there for me. I've seen him working in small but wonderful ways.

I see him in the eyes of children. I got to babysit two of my favorite kids last weekend and it was a relaxing night. The hugs snuggles the kind words the giggles all of that is God. He made these wonderful children and put them in my life. They made me laugh and learn from them. See God.. The conversations you can have with a seven year old are amazing. Love it!

I am doing a play right now and a few of the castmates have taught me alot. Young girls in their teens have opened up my eyes and made me feel included.

A wonderful pen pal who always knows just when to send me a note of up lifting words.

A great group of friends that I can go a few weeks with out seeing and then when we get back together its as if time hadn't gone on. Fits like a glove!

I have a job a home people who love me. People I love

3 wonderful pets..

SO BLESSED

Finding the Broken

Sometimes you can see into a persons soul and see that they are broken and hurting and sometimes you can't sometimes they wear such a sheild that you can't see into them.

However if you see a broken soul you need to love them pray for them offer words of kindness don't snap at them or be snippy with them love them. You have no idea how much a smile could mean to them a hug, or a simple you're a great person can do for them.

I see alot of hurt right now and breaks my heart. Please Love someone!

I love you all!


CH: Daily Challenge: No meat today...purely veggie meals (dairy is ok) OR... NO SUGAR (if you've already had...stop!)

Happier

I have been thinking, alot lately really and one think I know for sure I loved doing the blog daily and I have slipped so I am going to work on doing it more often I am not going to set it in stone that I have to do it everyday because that becomes a chore but I am going to fill this out more. I feel it makes me happier.

Growing Growing Growing that's what I strive to do. I want to grow into a great person who ever said you become an adult at 18 was an idiot here I am 25 and I still don't feel like an adult. I still mess up so much I still have alot of changes to make. I am at a cross roads in my life, where do I go from here? What will make me happy? I have no idea just prayer and time will tell.

Right now I am just focusing on getting by. I am trying not to be nasty or dwell on the past just move on to the future.

Thanks for growing with me friends


CH: Daily Challenge: Send xtra sch. supp. w/ your child for the teacher to discreetly give to a child in need OR Pick-up all trash in your path!