God's amazing work

God is a miracle worker that's for sure!   I have seen his hand at work in the last two weeks!  That new song from Newsboys has been in my head a lot the last few weeks.  My God's not dead he's surely alive!  No, I have never thought God was dead, but I see him moving in my life!

I am going to start at the beginning and try to show you what I've seen.   At the women's retreat I was asked if I would like to give testimony at the women's bible study Tuesday mornings.   I said yes on one condition... If I didn't get a job at TC trading where I just applied.  They were supposed to let me know right away.    A week came and went and I herd no news.  I fell into a darkness that week.   Everything felt hopeless and I felt lonely.   I threw my joy journal across a desk and then buried it with papers.   That thing was dumb there was no joy.  I didn't want to look at it.   It's as if I were mad at it! 

Finally it was the night before I was supposed to give my testimony and I had no idea what I was going to say.  What I was going to share.   I prayed.  I prayed for two things, I prayed that God would give me the words to show his glory in my life and I prayed that someone I felt safe would show up for my testimony so I wouldn't be as nervous.

That morning came and I had nothing planned,  I had nothing prepared.  I knew that when I got up to speak it would be God's words.   Right before I went up to speak, I saw a friend slip into the room and sit down.   My safe friend!  Answered prayer number one.  I walked up there and I just began to speak from my heart.  I shared how I've always known God  I shared about the wonderful things he's done for me through hardships.  The few times I got nervous I would focus on my safe friend and pretend I was only talking to her.  After all I have shared many of these things with her already.   That made it much easier.

 The women in the room prayed for me to get a job.  They prayed for God's will in my life.  

I came home that afternoon and NO sooner had pulled into my drive way, my phone began to ring.  It was LOGOS!!  Back story, I have been wanting to work at Logos for a long time.  It's a great Christian company.  You can really grow there.   I knew people that worked there that loved it.  One of my best friends works there.  It's just amazing.  I had been applying almost every month.

SO I was OVERJOYED to have an interview.   I called my friends to share.  Prayers were already being answered!!  Awesome!

Later that day TC trading company called and offered me a job.  So at the end of the day I had an interview at my DREAM company and a guaranteed job some where else.  I HAD not been expecting this!  Yikes now what?   I asked for 24 hours to think and pray....

The next day I went in for my interview and left feeling pretty good about it.   So some more prayer... I called TC Trading and confessed that No I didn't have the job at Logos but it looked good and it was my dream job.  I wanted to wait for them.  I apologized to them, but I didn't want to start working for them and leave.  They were so understanding..  They wished me the best of luck.   I look at this way now someone else has a job with them who might not have had a job before.  

So another week went by a very hard week, I lost a beloved family member. My sweet Aunt Monkey.  My heart was broken, I never did get to say goodbye and I couldn't be there for my family.  It's a big loss for that side of my family!  I don't think we've really lost anyone since Granny died when I was a small child!  It's still hard to process!   Also during this time my Uncle BJ had a heart attack!! Scary news!  I just lost an aunt.  I was scared to death I was going to lose my amazing Uncle BJ.   He's been a huge part of my life.  He's the one that I can always count on.   He's amazing!   After a triple bypass surgery he's doing good!  Praise!

Now during this week of hard family problems I find out that I get a second interview at Logos!   That's a great news!!

I continue my week and get to preform in awesome play!  I get to spend time with an awesome friend, one where that when ever I spend one on one time with I feel encouraged and grow just a little bit more.  It's hard to explain, but it's true..  God really gave me another amazing friend in her.  Just like he did with my Jenny..  I can FEEL his love for me pour out through them!!  So these things I wouldn't have been able to do if I had been working at TC.. (See everything is on God's time)

Today I am happy to announce I am now a new LOGOS employee!

A chapter of my life is now closed, my faith has grown so much in this time.   Now I get to start a brand new chapter.


So with the ups and the downs... Everything is PRAISE Worthy...  My joy journal is getting a work out these days.   I have a very THANKFUL heart right now.   Praise to GOD... This is all his Handy work..  

He's living on the inside roaring like a lion!!

AMEN!!!

God's amazing work

Today was EPIC... I think that's the best way to describe today.

At the Women's retreat I mentioned that SOME day I would love to give my testimony. I of course was thinking way down the line. YEARS from now when I was more grown up.

God had other plans, I was asked to give my testimony with in ten days of the retreat, I agreed on one condition. I said as long as I don't have a job yet, sure. I had just interviewed for a job.

The week came and passed and no job. I was broken torn apart. I wasn't sure I would recover from this one. I was throwing one big dramatic temper tantrum! There was screaming, there was crying. The lie people tell other people about their kids, your kids will out grow the tantrum stage. God knows better :)

Finally I pulled myself together and realized that God's will was still to be done. He was in charge not me. He had this. I got to reflect on what he gave up FOR me.. Through this Easter Weekend. I found myself find joy again. However the weekend ended and this would be the week that I would share. What was I going to share? How was I going to share? What to say? I tried to write things down, however I had no words and my paper stayed blank. I had a feeling in my heart God saying. "I've got this"

Today, I stood up in front of the women at my church my sisters and I shared from my heart. God of course gave me the support I needed. He made it safe for me. He gave me all the right words. I shared his Glory today an amazing feeling I tell ya.

At the end I was prayed for. I was prayed a job would come along. I need a job! Then no sooner had I pulled into my drive after this amazing morning my phone rings. Logos is offering me an interview!! That's where I have wanted to work. That's my dream job! I quickly take the interview and then start calling and texting people to let them know the good news! My day goes on and I get another call the job I interviewed for last week is open to me. I asked for 24 hours to think it over and pray about it. Huge doors just opened for me.

God did this, he wanted me to share my testimony this morning. He wanted me to see him working. I am just amazed.

My joy journal is getting a work out today!

I am blessed! I am thankful! All my praise goes to God!

Unwrapping MY joy part 3

Giving thanks is an act of surrendering... This blew me away this weekend. I have NOT given thanks for where I am right now. How could I? my point in life right now is low.. It's survival.. It's hanging on and LOOKING for the light. It's fear... It's PAIN.. It's loneliness. It's a lot un known... Or so I thought. How do you say "THANK YOU GOD" for this? When you've been trying to glue your shattered heart back together for the last nine months?

Through out this journey I have seen God's hands. I have known he was there with me. Even when I am throwing nasty little tantrums. I have NEVER doubted that God wasn't there. I have been beyond angry, and honestly I have been angry at him. I have had the Why questions? Why didn't he prevent this? He knew it was coming. Why do I have to go through MORE pain.. I have faced so much already. I was finally at a breathing point..

What I have come to understand through all of this, is it's always been in the plan. God's always been preparing me for this point in my life. I know this because I started tracing it backwards I can see a connection that started when I was eleven years old! I don't know what the point in this is. I do know that GOD is going to USE ME... He's going to use me to show his love and greatness some how through all of this. It might not be any time soon. It could be years from now.. I just know that I will get to show God's LOVE and that.... Right there in its self is the reason to stop and say "THANK YOU... Lord THANK YOU... Thank you for LOVING ME. Thank you for helping me Grow. Thank You for letting me be a LIGHT to the world. Thank You for what I do not understand.This morning I gave THANKS for my journey and I feel like a huge boulder has been lifted from my shoulders.

Nothing is solved right this second. I am still climbing the Mountain.. It's just easier now not carrying that burden on my shoulders. I now know what the plan is. The plan is just to trust and give thanks for the blessings and the joy I do have..

Unwrapping MY joy part 2

This afternoon I got to spend sometime with my dear dad, sister and adorable but growing way to fast niece! We went to the movies. Seeing movies together is our thing... It's what we do to bond.. I know how do you bond when you can't talk? Talking isn't always important it's just being together. Now that I am grown and doing my own things family time happens very little. In the past I have taken this for granted. Today I am writing it down... I am taking the challenge to find a 1000 gifts from God. It's a new concept to me. Yet it's not... Over the past few months I have known to look for joy moments. Write them down.. Forget about them once the journal is closed... Not this time... This time I am challenging myself... I think setting a number to it actually helps my brain think about it. I think it's the little extra drive I need. It makes me a little sad that I had to think about setting a number to it to search out the precious joy filled moments God gives me through out the day. I should always want to be seeking them and finding them! However that's not where I am at right now. Right now I need the numbers. However I know that eventually spotting those moments will come so easy.. It's re-training my brain to think. At one point in my life everything was dooms day! I had no hope. Nothing was good. I was in a fog... However I hated that yucky feeling! So I with God's help of course, no way could I do it on my own!! Began to change my attitude.... I am not perfect by far, however I do know that I am a happier more positive person. People have come up to me and told me they love my positive attitude! Warms my heart. Though the past few months have been a lot harder to see that! I've noticed more darker days. Though it's allowed. I am allowed to feel the pain that I am going through. I am allowed to cry. What I am not allowed to do is stay down. To stay in myself pity moods. I need to hold my head high and KNOW and TRUST that God is taking me through this. He's got me.

Finding Joy right where I am... That's what I have to focus on right now! So I don't have a job... Doesn't mean I don't have joy. I get to go to Tuesday morning Bible Study! JOY... I get to sleep in...JOY... I get to go have lunch with my awesome friend sometimes multiple times a week. JOY.. I get to have coffee with others who aren't working... JOY... I am able to do emergency babysitting jobs for friends... JOY... I can run errands for my friends and family who might not have the time to do what they need.. I get to bless them.... J O Y... Writing that out makes me think of my time off as a blessing!! Don't get me wrong of course there is still pain tied in with it... However the JOYS so out way the pain... That's just pretty cool to see it that way. Of course that doesn't mean I stop looking for a job... I am still going to search, but I am going to search knowing that this is God's plan... The job door WILL open up when it's the right job and the right time. Right now God needs me to do other things. To serve HIM in other ways...

As I write this I am seeing that I want to make a series of Blogs for Unwrapping MY joy... It's where my focus is going to be. I am finding I have a lot on my mind. Considering this whole blog came from the first line of notes I took during the Women's retreat and Sandi's first session.. She had 3 sessions on her own... Three pages of notes. Not to mention what I got out of the closing. I am going to process and write as it comes to me. I am very excited about my new Blog series.. Stay tuned :)

Unwrapping MY joy... Part 1

This blog is going to be a two parter that's for sure. I have so much going through my head at one time. My blogs are letters to myself so I can always remember exactly where I was at this point in my life.

I was blessed this weekend to attend a Women's retreat with my church, though honestly us Sunrise women are family! It was an E P I C weekend. I can't thank the team that put it together enough for making it so special for us. They truly acted on what the Lord had in store for us and helped make it happen. God of course deserves the biggest Thanks of all because he was there! WORKING in so many hearts.

To start at the beginning of this ever since I've herd about the retreat I know I wanted to go. So when it was announced that we could sign up soon I was very excited. I found out the price and knew that I would pull it from savings because there would be NO way that I would want to miss this! However the week that led up to the first Sunday that we could sign up I ran into exactly 63 dollars! Gift from God! I didn't have to touch my savings account. God gave it to me! So that Sunday morning right after church I made it up to the front desk area where I could pay. I had to pay right away! I didn't want to be tempted to by forty some mocha's with it or by a half of cup of Gasoline with it... (With the gas prices these day I am sure that's pretty close :) ) I had also had previously talked to Carissa and was going to set up a time with her where I could hang out and chat. Two things on my mind to do... Well to make a long story short.. I signed up, paid and SET the lunch date with Carissa.. So it was a win win situation all the way around. I had peace that I was going, I write this all out because I think it's funny that I was just so intent on using the money God gave me for this retreat that I had to get it done right away! Well turns out.. I was the first one that paid and won a prize for that at the retreat!! Which was sweet and warmed my heart and reminded me of how joyful that day had been to me. To sign up for the retreat and to make time to spend with a new friend! Defiantly POPS of joy... Getting written down here and moving to my joy journal...

This season of my life has been rough, and emotional and very hard to deal with at times. Satan defiantly didn't want me to go to this retreat feeling good about myself. So the week leading up to the retreat was crazy! There was big stuff happening in my life. Things I didn't know how to prepare for. There was OLD past scars that hadn't been thought of in years ripped open and salt poured into them. Ouch. Lots of hurt... Lots of emotions and I was weak and didn't trust in God and acted on Satan's voice. He doesn't control me. I can't blame it on him. I followed his voice instead of the voice of God... I BELIEVED lies and lashed out at the people close to me. I was mean and nasty.. NOT myself. That is not something I do. I don't normally attack the ones I love, in fact if they hurt my feelings I brush it off shove it aside and never say anything. It's not worth hurting someone over. This time not so much.. I was at all time low!! Thankfully the ones I lashed out could smell the smoke around me and forgave me. It took me a few days to forgive myself and to ask God to forgive me for hurting his other children. It's done and forgiven but it was a growing lesson. It COULD have ruined this weekend for me. It could have made me miserable... It didn't... God was stronger. God IS stronger. He knew how much I needed to hear this weekend. He knew how much I needed to love others around me and be loved on by others around me. So he gave me the strength to stand back up, brush this week off and move forward!!

MORE to come in the next blog... There is just so much I want to get down.. Time has run out...

TBC... Praying for God's words on the next one..

To my Ballard Siblings

I know I tend to say this a lot, but I don't think I could ever say it too much. I have the worlds best siblings. The first part of our lives we spent together. Growing, playing. bickering, fighting, giggling, laughing, crying.. We spent many hours with our Barbie dolls, many hours playing outside. There were times we found ourselves in big trouble! Thank Goodness we were so cute! We often sat and talked about our futures. We welcomed new siblings to the bunch and loved and cherished them. Those were some pretty amazing times and I am so thankful that have each memory. Those times built a strong bond.

For those of you who don't know my siblings and I all share the same biological dad. However I have a different biological mom. My dad married their mom when I was just a baby. She's my mom too. I love her to pieces. Doesn't matter that biologically I am not hers she has loved me and called me her own child since day one! (Love you mama) That being said. I had two different homes.. One day we moved up to Good old Washington and they moved to Arkansas. Contact was lost. 5 years went by with no contact. Those were the longest five years of my life. I was teenager I really needed my siblings. However one day contact was made. An off chance and Yahoo messenger! We have never lost contact again. We are older now. We know how to be in contact more. Even with all the distance we have and the time we lost we are still very close siblings. The bond of sisters is strong! I could not be more thankful for those crazy Ballard kids that are all now grown...

Samantha- I remember the first time I found I was going to be your big sister. It was the first time I remember seeing our parents and meeting your mom for the first time. She was pregnant with you and I fell in love with the idea of being a big sister. Then I remember seeing you for the first time. You were so little! However I thought you were the coolest thing ever. I also thought you had some pretty awesome toys. However your crying in the back seat next to me. Well sometimes that would get a little old so I would poke you. Only made you cry louder. If I had been older then 4 I would have learned to get ear plugs! As you grew you started following me around and calling me Day Day. Because you couldn't say J.J. I pretended it annoyed me. However I really didn't mind it. I loved playing with you. Honestly I even think fondly on the moments where all we did was fight! Remember the time we had got in trouble and had to spend an hour together on a bed in our bedroom? We ended up playing Barbies. Fun times. Samantha I love you!

Holly- You were the baby I wasn't expecting, I don't remember mom being pregnant with you. I was four and half living my life. Not paying attention. Teasing Sami. However one day you were there and I fell in love with you. You were the cutest baby ever! Big brown eyes. Thumb in your mouth. You too like Samantha drove me nuts with your crying... Holly Bolly was your nick name for awhile. As you grew the more and more I fell in love with you. I have always loved your quiet nature. Your big heart. Your devious nature. You may have the world fooled that you are sweet all the time.. I know you better then that. You are my mini me and one of my best friends in life. I love you!!

Rebecca- I remember the day you were born! I remember the first time I held you! You became my personal baby doll. You and I were never far apart. I wanted to hold you all the time. I wanted to dress you and to play with you. I wanted to make your bottles. I was very hands on with you. So much so that as you grew when I would walk into a room you were instantly on my hip or in my arms. I learned young to tell what you needed what you were thinking what you were saying. I just waned to be with you! It stayed like that until I moved away. You were just a toddler when I moved away. There hasn't be a day since the day you were born that I haven't thought about you. Even with how far away I was. I still loved you and still do! Rebecca Lynn you are an amazing young woman. BEAUTIFUL, Smart, funny creative. I just admire you and I love you!

Jonah- Poor guy, only boy out of four big sisters. How did you ever make it? I remember when mom told me she was going to have you. I prayed you would be a boy. I always wanted a brother. I couldn't have picked a better brother by the way. You are awesome. I know your life I missed out on the most. I hate that we had to grow up so far away. I have always loved you and I am proud of you. I have bragged about you since you were born. After all you are the worlds coolest little brother. You grew up fast Jonah. Way too fast. My favorite memory is playing Nintendo with you when you were about eight. Teaching you all my secrets. You told your friend I was the coolest big sister ever. It just made me wish that I had gotten to grow up with you. However you are probably relieved one less big sister bossing you around. :) I will never understand why our childhoods had to go that way. You are my baby brother and I love you. Always.. Not matter how much time goes by.. I can't wait to see what the future has in store for you. You are the best brother a girl could ask for and I know that your three
other older sisters could agree. I am proud of you Jonah!

The Tantrum is over :)

Busy, so very busy... I can't believe it! We all know I love to house and watch over other peoples animals while they are gone.. It's a good thing I love this because I have just stumbled onto 3 back to back.. Each week a new house and new animals to love on! Blessed.. It makes for a very busy life.. Because I have to make sure that I am still stopping by to see my own two cats. I wouldn't want them to forget who I was. :) Okay they wouldn't.. But I am the crazy cat lady and I need to make sure I see them! Besides house sitting, I am in a play with practices on Sundays and I find time to babysit here and there! I managed to sneak away for a weekend get away to Oregon a few weeks back, that was a trip I will hold in my heart forever. Great memories made and a friendship has grown even stronger. How could it not, when you are in a car with someone for five hours straight! That was one of my favorite parts actually!

SO I am busy, but I have to say I see God working in my life right now. It was a few weeks of quiet and I began to worry, well honestly I was throwing a tantrum like a child and I think he was allowing me to do so. Waiting on me to stand up and re take his hand and listen to him. Which I have. Since that moment I've seen a lot of changes. Changes in my heart, changes in my view of the world and changes in how I view my life. After seeing those I began to see many blessings in each day. I began to see how taken care of and loved I really am. My life isn't fixed that's still a work in progress but some great healing has happened in the last few days. It's been amazing!

A special thanks to those who have stood by me while I was in that tantrum dramatic stage. The love you showed me was amazing and blessed me so deeply.

Love you!