Coming Up From The Rock Bottom

I wish you could really see how high this little rock mountain is. The picture would be more impressive. However I took it with my cell phone so this the best I could get.

When I saw this flower growing in this piles of rocks it spoke to me. That flower had a pretty tough life growing through heavy rocks to come out on top and beautiful.

I am going to admit right here right now. I am scared to death right now. I don't like the unknown. My life seems to be in the unknown point. I have been feeling like I can't find my purpose right now. Anyone who really knows me knows that I HATE CHANGE. I can't stand it. It scares me, it makes me angry. Makes me sad. I don't deal well with it. So of course right now I have the unknown and changes going on. Double attack like I was buried under a million pounds of heavy boulders. I didn't think I'd ever see the sun again. Okay that may be a bit dramatic, but I am sticking with the theme of my picture. You get the point. Nothing was going how I would like it to go.

I don't know how any thing is going to turn out. I am still in the unknown and I am still in the world of changes. However what I do know, is that I am being taken care of. Opportunities are popping up all over the place. I just might not have seen them. If my life wasn't going this way. Or really appreciate the love my friends and family have to offer. It seems that when ever I fall into the darkest hour of the day. God will speak to me through a friend. It never fails when I get that lost I will get a random email, call from my sister or a text message from a great friend that simply says "I LOVE YOU" Wow powerful... God is using them to speak to me and my heart. He's saying it's okay Jacqueline, I have you. I am not going to let you stay buried. I am going to hold your hand and we are going to push up and make our way out from under those boulders.

I know that in the end of this, when I finally get all the way up, I am going to be a stronger better person. Like that beautiful flower.

My advice to you, right now. When the world is crumbling down on top of you. Take a deep breath. Close your eyes and listen. Really listen. You'll hear God in the voices of your loved one. You'll see him in the beauty of the earth. Little by little your heart will start to heal. Not every day is going to be easy. Some days are just going to be HARD rock hard for that matter. You'll get through it if you trust in the Lord and in yourself!

LIVE EACH DAY TO THE FULLEST! TELL THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE, YOU LOVE THEM! PRAISE THE LORD FOR ALL THE GLORY HE'S GIVEN YOU!

That's my wish dreams and hopes for you all.

Loving you from Jacqui's space!

I LOVE YOU! And Me!

I LOVE YOU!

Pretty powerful little sentence there right? Those three words can fill a person's heart with more joy then one could imagine. Funny is in my past saying those three words would send me into a fit of panic. I don't know when exactly I became afraid of those words. I have never been scared of telling my mother that I loved her. It's something I grew up saying and believing with my whole heart. I knew she loved me as much as I loved her and that I was safe. I knew she'd never reject or turn her back to me.

Over the past few years I've really learned a lot from the I Love Yous. There is NOTHING like hearing the voice of a small child looking up at you saying the words "I LOVE YOU" Talk about heart melting moments. So when did I become so afraid of it? I guess I'll never really know the answer to that.

Hearing the voice of a friend say "I love you" Used to make me cry. I didn't feel like I was worthy enough of their friendship or love. However God says we aren't to judge others. So I tried my best to not judge others. What I failed on was judging myself. God loves me and once I learned to say it to God, I learned to say it to my friends and my family. Not loving them was never my problem. My problem was I judged myself to harshly and I wasn't allowing God to love me the way he wanted to. Once I opened my heart to him, and realized that I was his child and that he wasn't going to reject me, I became a stronger person. One who could give MORE of my heart, to my family and friends. That’s when I was also able to fully understand and appreciate the love that they had for me. When they tell me they love me they just aren’t saying it. They mean it , and those are the memories I hold inside forever.

I am not a perfect person by any means, and I still struggle with my image daily. I am constantly working on loving myself. Some days are just harder then others. However I find that if I pray and I end my prayer saying “I Love You God” It becomes a little easier. After all I was made in his image. He loves me. He’s given me people who love me. SO why can’t I love myself? He also gave me a big heart to love others! I want to take that gift and use it correctly. Which means I have to love myself too.

PS. Now hearing the voice of a friend say “I love you to me” Still can make me cry, but only because I am a sap and heart filled moments are my favorite!

New Out Look

I am pulling myself together and finding a new out look on life, my life has never been easy I've never had things handed to me nothing has ever come to easy to me. It's easy to fall into a pity party when you think about it. I am guilty of doing that from time to time. Hey I am an emotional girl, it happens! :)

However I look back at my life and I mean I really look back and no it's not been easy. It's not been fair, but do you know what I've always had? God, I've always known he's there. I've always had someone to talk to and even now when things are rough and sometimes I want to say he's gone he's not. I know he's not, because he's providing for me. Just like he always has. Another thing I've always had through out my life is a good core group of people who love me. A mother who would die for me, a grandmother who treated me like a princess always putting me first. A father who gave me the gift of family a step mother who I don't even call step mother because the word sounds too cinderella... She's mama and that's how she'll always be. She's loved me as her own child since day one. I've got sisters oh how I've got sisters and we've had our fair share of fights but the bond we share runs deep. I've also been given aunts and uncles and cousins who love me... That was just in my childhood now the list goes on. I've got a second dad who has done nothing but loved me since the day he married my mom. More Aunts and Uncles that have taken me as one of their own.. God really is good! Then he gave me my friends.. I have so many friends some that are second mothers, some that are big sister's some that are younger sister's but each one is a gift to me and I wish I could list all their names on here but it would take forever and a day to read them... You all know who you are and you all know I love you with all of my heart.

If that wasn't enough God gave me kids in my life to watch grow. Man some of them have taught me so much.. They hold my heart in a way no one else does. I love you kiddos.

God is great and even in the hardest times he's here I know he is. He's not left me. He hasn't left you either.. In your dark hours think about what you do have and you'll find him. He's waiting for you to turn back around and run to him... Well I am running to him.. I've missed him.

Today, some women said there was something special about Jenny and I when we were out on a walk, and it stuck in my mind all day... What's special about us is we have God in our hearts and in our lives and we are letting him shine..

I hope to continue to let him shine and be the best person I can be. Learn from my mistakes and grow...

Feeling blessed

Coming out of a storm

I know I haven't blogged in awhile, sometimes there isn't anything to say. Sometimes there is too much to say. You just never know. I know that right now it seems everyone that I love is going through some kind of hardship and it breaks my heart. My heart is in a million of pieces for those I love. For some of them it's just not one battle but several and it doesn't seem right or fair. It's hard to understand why these things are happening. I am just at a loss.. For my family and friends that are struggling right now with whatever is going on in your life please know that I think about you daily and I lift you up in prayer. You all mean the world to me.. Each and everyone of you...

As for my own life right now it too seems to be falling down around me and it's hard so hard to not let the darkness just consume me. It's hard to not feel alone all the time.. However I know there are worse things happening all over the world and people I love are going through so much more then I am. So I remind myself of what I do have. The most amazing support team ever. People that love me all the time for who I am. You are all amazing and I Cherish you. Long calls in the middle of the night, a good walk with a great friend. Sharing a cup of coffee with someone who builds you up all the time. Sweet emails and messages... A hug and a I LOVE YOU.... Is what is keeping me going.

As I write this tonight, I am fighting off a dark moment so I will go spend it praying for others.. But I just needed to find an outlet to my own thoughts....

GOD IS IN CONTROL..... That's what we all need to remember