A Random Blog

This year I've decided I am going to blog more.. I am not setting deadlines or the amount that I have to blog.. I am just going to blog more. I am going to blog when I am happy, and when I am not...So at the end of this year I can see how much I've grown! So I can see the changes.. So I can remember the smaller moments because well the big ones stay with us but the small ones slip by and I don't want that.

This week has been wonderful! I can't say it enough wonderful! Maybe because life slowed down a little for a week. I rested.. I rested I rested! Did I mention RESTED! Oh it's just what I needed.

Work's been fun! Weeks like this I wonder why it's called work. It's busy, it's loud but it's fun. I have had the chance to snuggle with children. I have gotten to laugh with co workers. I've gotten to explore new art projects. I love my job! There are days and weeks where I want to throw up my hands quit and walk away. But it's weeks like this that remind me that the good out weighs the bad. Hopefully my next bad day this very thought comes to mind and I can shake off that bad day.

Tonight was the first girls night that I've gotten to attend in a few weeks. I didn't realize how much I missed it. How much I need my time with my friends. I can sit in the same room with them for two hours and not say anything and just listen to them talk and feel very blessed to have each one in my life. They bring color to my life... I also got to snuggle a sleeping baby tonight. Holding a sleeping infant in yours arms is a feeling that can't be described. It's pure joy and love. That little man is very special.. I just love him.

Now the week is ending and I am looking forward to my first acting with class with a coach and EVEN better then that a weekend with a different yet equally special group of friends.. Eeeeek I am so excited!

Well friends thanks for reading my blog and following my life...

If there is anything I can pray for you about drop me aline.

I am always here to chat too... Send me an email or give me a phone call.. I am always good at just listening...

I hope you are all finding joy this new year..

Love ya

Jaxie

Oh yeah!! Back to doing Carolyn Hennesy's DailyChallenges because I love them and find them helpful for staying positive..

CH: Daily Challenge: Read at least three of the Federalist Papers OR Research the origins of your own hometown or state

Finding myself this year

This year I am going to find reasons why I like myself.. The more I write positives things the more I become them... In 2010 I focused hard on writing more happy notes on FB then negative ones.. Do you know that a few people have told me I cheer up their day? That I am the most positive person they know?? Little old me no way??? I don't always feel that way inside that's why I write it down.. I try and I try and I try.. Some times I do great others I fail, but I pick myself up dust myself off and start all over again.. It helps when you have positive people in your life.. I can think of a few people who use the most encouraging words with me.. With out knowing it they build me up greater then they'll ever know. I appreciate them and love them.

SO tonight I was looking at a picture that I found... My first thought was gadsooks that was 9 pounds ago ewwah.... But really why do that? SO my body wasn't perfect... I am not perfect and no one is expecting me to be.. God's not.. Why should I? So then I found the positives in it.. It's fun it shows me being me... So in the end I found something good...

My goal to finding myself this year... I am taking you on the journey... Sit back relax it's going to be a roller coaster adventure.. :)

2011

The new year has started! I just finished house sitting and am glad to be back at home.. I love house sitting I look at it like a mini vacation.. Just like vacation it's always nice to come home.. Whew... I missed my own fur faced babies.. Considering I can't get Joxer to get off of me, I think it's safe to say he missed me too!

This year I am doing Carolyn Hennesy's challenge... I am not setting any new years goals.. Instead I am just going to look at 2011 as A BRAND new year and I am going to start fresh and live every day to it's fullest. I am going to embrace the good days as much as the bad days. I am not going to let the disappointments get me to far down. I have a feeling that this year is going to be one of the bests yet!

I know I shouldn't be wishing my life away but I have to say I can't wait for this weekend to get here! I get to go down and spend time with Rachel and her kids and Matt and Betsy and their kids... So total of six kids crazy... There was a time when there was only one or two little babies and five of us adults.. We were inseparable we spent many hours together... I wonder if I convince Rachel to have a Arby's lunch date.... :) Those memories are dear to my heart. Yet we've all grown and our life journey's have taken us other places. Putting THOUSANDS of miles between us at times... Years can go by with out us seeing each other, but once we are back in the same room it's like nothing has changed.. Minus the bigger number of kids... Looking forward to my weekend.!!

I am also looking forward to getting back into the swing of normal life at work and at home.. I love a routine.

Maybe I will also start blogging more? I hope to.. I love it... But I am not making any goals or promises.. :)

Have a great day!

And that's a Wrap....

2010 is leaving this week can you believe that? This is my only chance that I am going to have to actually sit down and write this week so that's what I am doing. Reflecting on the the year.. 2010 was pretty great..

It's funny how in a year there are up and downs moments. That saying life is a roller coaster sure proves to be true.. There were those low points during the year the ones where I was tested. At those moments life felt unbearable, it felt like I would never get past them. That's the joys of being a emotional person :) However right now as I reflect I can't even remember what those moments were.. I know they helped shape me and helped me grow in some way or another and I am thankful for them but I am glad I can't remember exactly what they were and they didn't really tie me down as much as I thought at the moment.

As I look back on the year I realized how blessed I am.

My high lights of the year...... Aren't you excited to know? The suspense is intense right? :)

So here we go....

Through out the year I strengthend my bond with my friends.. We've gone through some hardships with each other and we've laughed.. We've spent many quiet times together as well as some adventures. I am grateful that group of friends.. Every time we are together I am more and more thankful them.

I got the chance to do an amazing play this year. Not only did it have a good message it brought me more blessings then I can even count. I found a church that I love. Met a great group of people. Gives me something to laugh about. Those memories I'll always Cherish even falling off the stage.. :)

I also made a friend during the play that I can't picture not knowing now. It's bringing me closer to the Lord. I love having Sisters in Christ.

I got to go down to Nevada for a week this summer where I got to visit with grandparents great grandmothers aunts uncles and cousins. What a special time... It's there I fell in love with my new favorite Movie. Ramona and Beezus.. Yes I am a dork but I absolutely love the movie...

I also sat down this year and wrote a book! Now I am putting some final touches on it and then going to try and get it published... Pray for me :)

A few of my friends welcomed brand new babies into their lives and have let me be a part of their children's lives... Gabriel Madison and Lucas are such sweet special babies I can't wait to watch them grow..

Not to mention I still have the best job in the world I get to play with kids all day long. Loving life.

This year has been wonderful.. I will remember 2010 with a smile..

I can't wait to see what 2011 brings :)

Finding Comfort

I am curled up with my favorite blanket that Rachel made me and I have a movie with Marie Osmond's voice playing. For those of you who don't know I am a big Marie Osmond fan and when I was younger when ever I was upset I found comfort in her cds. I may be a dork but at least I own it and I am not afraid to admit it. I also now find blogging to be my online journal and it brings me comfort, so this is what this is finding my comfort.

With me I am ONE emotional person, I feel everything and I take everything to heart. My feelings get hurt in a blink of an eye, and I am tired of hearing grow tough skin because well after 26 years it hasn't happened. Yes I've made growth as a person, I firmly believe that but the tough skin isn't something I am ever going to have. I believe in my heart that I was blessed with a sensitive soul for a reason and I am going to start embracing it! SO WHAT! If I cry? Why is it such a big deal?

I don't really know where I am going with this blog expect for getting up pent up anger and emotions out. Here I have been thinking the last few weeks that I am doing great and growing and finding things out only to find out that I am really no where different then I was six months ago. I am just depressed... I am sick and tired of always feeling like the failure. Always feeling that I give with a hundred and ten percent and it means nothing. I just right now feel like I am failing again and I hate failure I am afraid of failure.. I know alot of it has to do with my emotions..

So I am soul searching.. Who do I want to be? What do I want to do when I grow up? Only I can make myself happy.... So what can I do to find happiness?


On the up side, I do see God's Handy work everyday! THANK YOU LORD for snail mail when your day has gone down the tube with a simple a I LOVE YOU at the end. Thank GOD for a child's innocents hug and tender words when you can't see the brightness in the world. Thank GOD for friends who put up with your emotional side and don't tell you to grow a tough skin. Thank GOD for friends who can make you laugh in a way no one else can. THANK GOD for friends from the past that re surface just when you need them. Thank God for the family you've been given. Thank GOD for the little things in life that make you smile.

I THANK GOD that even when I am having a sadder day that I am still loved and blessed.

Thinking out loud

The last 3 nights I have been up in the wee hours of the night, it's not something I enjoy and it is a bit lonely at times. I am a sleep person I need sleep to function. The first day it was doable the second day was alright the third day was just annoying until I stopped and took a deep breath and realized that its not about me. Not everything is about me, and if I am going to call myself a child of God then I need to listen to when he's speaking to me. It doesn't matter how many times he tried to teach me that lesson I always end up messing it up. Good thing he is patient and loving. So I've realized I have been busy during the day and not making the time for him. So he's going to get me when he can. I've found myself praying for people, people I hardly know some for people that get under my skin and for some of the people that mean the world to me.

It's a good reminder that no matter what's going on in my life, I am God's child and I am not alone and he will use me when and how he can. I have FAITH in him and I love him...

So if you have any prayers drop me a line I'll be sure to pray.

Love

Jaxie :)

Thanksgiving

Today is Thanksgiving and it is by far my favorite holiday, not just because I get to eat though that is a high light! It's a day where I can really feel how blessed I am. Yeah I am sappy and emotional so of course this day ranks up there for me!

I have so many things to be thankful for, so many things that I take for granted everyday. First I have a warm place to live. The past few days have been very cold and it's reminded me how grateful I am that I have a house and heater and a bed and blankets. Things that some some people just don't have.

Here's one thing I am thankful for that some people think is silly but its big to me. I am thankful for my pets. I have three amazing animals who NEVER judge me they never put me down they never make me feel bad about myself they never hurt my feelings they are loyal and they love me flaws and all even when I let them down they never let me down. Animals are pretty amazing if I could I would have more. Yep crazy animal lover here :) My heart goes out to them!

I am thankful for a job, I've watched my parents struggle this past year with having jobs and then not having jobs its scary, I am just so thankful I have a job that I love that I get to go to everyday... Even when its hard to get out of bed or even when I have a bad day at work I still have it, its still mine and I still love it hard days and all... The small hugs I get make up for the hard days... I love being Miss. Backie as one little guy says :)

Now on to my family, it's a crazy group and we are all flawed but then again who has a family that isn't? Mine is not perfect far from it honestly but it's mine! :)

Then, I have the family that I've picked my friends. I am so blessed to have such an amazing group of friends. Some I've known for years and years and some I've only known since May of this year but each one very special to me. Sure we've hurt each other and have had our fights but we aren't perfect what we have is a common ground love for each other and I am learning to really trust from them. They make me who I am they are helping me grow and change and become the person I want to be.

They say you are blessed if you can count up three close friends, but I have more then three far more then three. Its a miracle and wonderful and a big gift wow!

I am also blessed to be able to freely believe in my God and talk about him and witness his miracles and not have to worry about losing my life for it. That to me is amazing!

I am so thankful for my flaws and my strengths they make me who I am. And I am at the point I am no longer ashamed of all my flaws I am not proud of them but I am learning to live with them and grow from them..

I am just Thankful to be alive and have a great life.

This is Jaxie signing out wishing you a very happy holiday season :)

Alright Meggers I updated just for you!