Taking Back Me

2011 is something special! Can you feel it or is it just me? Maybe 2011 is my year to shine, but I am really hoping it's everyones year to find greatness. I have entered this year with a smile and I smile everyday. I am learning to laugh at my mistakes and not let the little things get to me. I am just loving life.





Since I feel this year is going to be a big one for me I've decided to take back my body. As many of you know I have suffered a pretty nasty back injury in the past. For those of you who don't know. There was construction underway on the free way. Traffic was at a dead stop however the car behind me failed to see all the brake lights in front him and according to the officer on the sight he hit me going at least sixty while I was at a dead stop. Talk about a BIG OWIE! Yes I've let that big owie control my life tell me who I am going to be. I gained fifteen pounds after that accident and have gone up and down on weight since. I am no where near as active as I once was and the migraines that only bothered me once every few months started coming weekly. I've done chiro and massage treatments they help but you know it wasn't enough. When I started feeling weak and sore from holding a hair brush up above my head I knew I was in trouble. I am 26 years old this is not okay with me... So I contacted my Uncle who knows a lot about muscle building and getting a healthier life style. He is wonderful and has agreed to work with me, giving up an hour of his family time 3x a week for me. I really do love him!





He's been a lot of my strength during this process. Now he' s in I know he won't let me quit, but let me tell you something, I don't want to quit. I have suddenly fallen in love with going to the gym. I love the challenge. I love that my uncle is with me guiding me and helping me become who I want to be.





And yes we are only on week two but you know I was able to get my hair into a pony tail today with no pain?





It's little but it's big to me...





Here I am stepping in and taking back me!





And to all of you who support me in other ways. THANK YOU! I couldn't be finding me with out you.

PS... The picture above is me being active at Relay for life.. Well it was a hug moment.. But the last few years at Relay by the end my body is killing me. I've picked this picture to encourage me to keep in shape so maybe this year it won't hurt so bad at the end of the day... Plus the little one in the picture is always encouraging. :) Thanks to her family for being such a great part of my life and allowing me to be the "Big Sister" as her mother once put it... Love it!

Seriously loving Life!

The Ups and Downs

This weekend was wonderful! Though it didn't start out how I wanted it to. What's that saying you plan and God laughs? That's what happened. Here I had a fun weekend planned out. I was going to see some old friends who I miss like crazy then off to Seattle for some acting lessons. However things changed when I got the dreaded message Rachel had the flu and prefered I didn't come. Rachel and I used to live together and we had a great way of sharing germs. Whatever she got I got vise a versa, now I am not 100 percent sure that it would be the same now that we don't live together but we didn't want to chance it. It was hard. I was really looking forward to seeing her and I don't know when the next time I will. Though I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. I don't understand and I don't always like it, but I respect it. There was a reason I didn't go down there.

So INSTEAD I got to hang out with my wonderful group of friends up here. We watched the Sea hawks kick tooshie! It was great. We laughed we talked we ate. We laughed some more. Most RELAXING Saturday in a long time. Not to mention baby snuggles! Gotta love that!

Then today I woke up to Snow... I knew that I was supposed to go to Seattle. So I prayed. I prayed and I prayed. If anyone knows me really well they know I love LOVE driving in the snow. It's one thing that does not scare me. It challenges me. I know I am odd :) So I checked the weather reports felt at peace to go and I made the trek down to Seattle. Glad I did! Only one bad spot today. The rest was EASY going. It was great. I spent the entire drive worshiping and rocking out to WOW hits. I love God and Me time. I praised him for everything.

I went to the class and learned a lot! I met some great people. Practiced what I learned and you know what? MY COACH used me as an example several times during the class! HOW cool is that?!! Eeek.. And I didn't freak out in front of the camera.. She taught me how to not be scared. Cool right?

Then I made a mistake and accidentaly put my parking slip on the wrong side and got a parking ticket.. BUMMER at first I was mad... Then I thanked God... For humbling me and reminding me that if I don't pay attention to small details there are sometimes prices to pay. So I will happily pay for my mistake.. Well maybe not sooo happily but I get it :)

All in all.. The week and this weekend have been a big adventure. Lots of ups and downs and for the first time in my life... I feel that I handled the downs the best I ever have.. That's huge for me! HUGE!


OOOOH and BY THE WAY!! The first song that plays on here now... My favorite right now... I can listen to it over and over and over


CH: Daily Challenge: Give bottles of water to the homeless OR No rolling "California" stops at stop signs.

A Random Blog

This year I've decided I am going to blog more.. I am not setting deadlines or the amount that I have to blog.. I am just going to blog more. I am going to blog when I am happy, and when I am not...So at the end of this year I can see how much I've grown! So I can see the changes.. So I can remember the smaller moments because well the big ones stay with us but the small ones slip by and I don't want that.

This week has been wonderful! I can't say it enough wonderful! Maybe because life slowed down a little for a week. I rested.. I rested I rested! Did I mention RESTED! Oh it's just what I needed.

Work's been fun! Weeks like this I wonder why it's called work. It's busy, it's loud but it's fun. I have had the chance to snuggle with children. I have gotten to laugh with co workers. I've gotten to explore new art projects. I love my job! There are days and weeks where I want to throw up my hands quit and walk away. But it's weeks like this that remind me that the good out weighs the bad. Hopefully my next bad day this very thought comes to mind and I can shake off that bad day.

Tonight was the first girls night that I've gotten to attend in a few weeks. I didn't realize how much I missed it. How much I need my time with my friends. I can sit in the same room with them for two hours and not say anything and just listen to them talk and feel very blessed to have each one in my life. They bring color to my life... I also got to snuggle a sleeping baby tonight. Holding a sleeping infant in yours arms is a feeling that can't be described. It's pure joy and love. That little man is very special.. I just love him.

Now the week is ending and I am looking forward to my first acting with class with a coach and EVEN better then that a weekend with a different yet equally special group of friends.. Eeeeek I am so excited!

Well friends thanks for reading my blog and following my life...

If there is anything I can pray for you about drop me aline.

I am always here to chat too... Send me an email or give me a phone call.. I am always good at just listening...

I hope you are all finding joy this new year..

Love ya

Jaxie

Oh yeah!! Back to doing Carolyn Hennesy's DailyChallenges because I love them and find them helpful for staying positive..

CH: Daily Challenge: Read at least three of the Federalist Papers OR Research the origins of your own hometown or state

Finding myself this year

This year I am going to find reasons why I like myself.. The more I write positives things the more I become them... In 2010 I focused hard on writing more happy notes on FB then negative ones.. Do you know that a few people have told me I cheer up their day? That I am the most positive person they know?? Little old me no way??? I don't always feel that way inside that's why I write it down.. I try and I try and I try.. Some times I do great others I fail, but I pick myself up dust myself off and start all over again.. It helps when you have positive people in your life.. I can think of a few people who use the most encouraging words with me.. With out knowing it they build me up greater then they'll ever know. I appreciate them and love them.

SO tonight I was looking at a picture that I found... My first thought was gadsooks that was 9 pounds ago ewwah.... But really why do that? SO my body wasn't perfect... I am not perfect and no one is expecting me to be.. God's not.. Why should I? So then I found the positives in it.. It's fun it shows me being me... So in the end I found something good...

My goal to finding myself this year... I am taking you on the journey... Sit back relax it's going to be a roller coaster adventure.. :)

2011

The new year has started! I just finished house sitting and am glad to be back at home.. I love house sitting I look at it like a mini vacation.. Just like vacation it's always nice to come home.. Whew... I missed my own fur faced babies.. Considering I can't get Joxer to get off of me, I think it's safe to say he missed me too!

This year I am doing Carolyn Hennesy's challenge... I am not setting any new years goals.. Instead I am just going to look at 2011 as A BRAND new year and I am going to start fresh and live every day to it's fullest. I am going to embrace the good days as much as the bad days. I am not going to let the disappointments get me to far down. I have a feeling that this year is going to be one of the bests yet!

I know I shouldn't be wishing my life away but I have to say I can't wait for this weekend to get here! I get to go down and spend time with Rachel and her kids and Matt and Betsy and their kids... So total of six kids crazy... There was a time when there was only one or two little babies and five of us adults.. We were inseparable we spent many hours together... I wonder if I convince Rachel to have a Arby's lunch date.... :) Those memories are dear to my heart. Yet we've all grown and our life journey's have taken us other places. Putting THOUSANDS of miles between us at times... Years can go by with out us seeing each other, but once we are back in the same room it's like nothing has changed.. Minus the bigger number of kids... Looking forward to my weekend.!!

I am also looking forward to getting back into the swing of normal life at work and at home.. I love a routine.

Maybe I will also start blogging more? I hope to.. I love it... But I am not making any goals or promises.. :)

Have a great day!

And that's a Wrap....

2010 is leaving this week can you believe that? This is my only chance that I am going to have to actually sit down and write this week so that's what I am doing. Reflecting on the the year.. 2010 was pretty great..

It's funny how in a year there are up and downs moments. That saying life is a roller coaster sure proves to be true.. There were those low points during the year the ones where I was tested. At those moments life felt unbearable, it felt like I would never get past them. That's the joys of being a emotional person :) However right now as I reflect I can't even remember what those moments were.. I know they helped shape me and helped me grow in some way or another and I am thankful for them but I am glad I can't remember exactly what they were and they didn't really tie me down as much as I thought at the moment.

As I look back on the year I realized how blessed I am.

My high lights of the year...... Aren't you excited to know? The suspense is intense right? :)

So here we go....

Through out the year I strengthend my bond with my friends.. We've gone through some hardships with each other and we've laughed.. We've spent many quiet times together as well as some adventures. I am grateful that group of friends.. Every time we are together I am more and more thankful them.

I got the chance to do an amazing play this year. Not only did it have a good message it brought me more blessings then I can even count. I found a church that I love. Met a great group of people. Gives me something to laugh about. Those memories I'll always Cherish even falling off the stage.. :)

I also made a friend during the play that I can't picture not knowing now. It's bringing me closer to the Lord. I love having Sisters in Christ.

I got to go down to Nevada for a week this summer where I got to visit with grandparents great grandmothers aunts uncles and cousins. What a special time... It's there I fell in love with my new favorite Movie. Ramona and Beezus.. Yes I am a dork but I absolutely love the movie...

I also sat down this year and wrote a book! Now I am putting some final touches on it and then going to try and get it published... Pray for me :)

A few of my friends welcomed brand new babies into their lives and have let me be a part of their children's lives... Gabriel Madison and Lucas are such sweet special babies I can't wait to watch them grow..

Not to mention I still have the best job in the world I get to play with kids all day long. Loving life.

This year has been wonderful.. I will remember 2010 with a smile..

I can't wait to see what 2011 brings :)

Finding Comfort

I am curled up with my favorite blanket that Rachel made me and I have a movie with Marie Osmond's voice playing. For those of you who don't know I am a big Marie Osmond fan and when I was younger when ever I was upset I found comfort in her cds. I may be a dork but at least I own it and I am not afraid to admit it. I also now find blogging to be my online journal and it brings me comfort, so this is what this is finding my comfort.

With me I am ONE emotional person, I feel everything and I take everything to heart. My feelings get hurt in a blink of an eye, and I am tired of hearing grow tough skin because well after 26 years it hasn't happened. Yes I've made growth as a person, I firmly believe that but the tough skin isn't something I am ever going to have. I believe in my heart that I was blessed with a sensitive soul for a reason and I am going to start embracing it! SO WHAT! If I cry? Why is it such a big deal?

I don't really know where I am going with this blog expect for getting up pent up anger and emotions out. Here I have been thinking the last few weeks that I am doing great and growing and finding things out only to find out that I am really no where different then I was six months ago. I am just depressed... I am sick and tired of always feeling like the failure. Always feeling that I give with a hundred and ten percent and it means nothing. I just right now feel like I am failing again and I hate failure I am afraid of failure.. I know alot of it has to do with my emotions..

So I am soul searching.. Who do I want to be? What do I want to do when I grow up? Only I can make myself happy.... So what can I do to find happiness?


On the up side, I do see God's Handy work everyday! THANK YOU LORD for snail mail when your day has gone down the tube with a simple a I LOVE YOU at the end. Thank GOD for a child's innocents hug and tender words when you can't see the brightness in the world. Thank GOD for friends who put up with your emotional side and don't tell you to grow a tough skin. Thank GOD for friends who can make you laugh in a way no one else can. THANK GOD for friends from the past that re surface just when you need them. Thank God for the family you've been given. Thank GOD for the little things in life that make you smile.

I THANK GOD that even when I am having a sadder day that I am still loved and blessed.