Anxiety

Anxiety is a word that has become a regular in my vocabulary in the last five years or so.   Honestly I think it’s been in my life since childhood.   It’s intensified in the last five years or so.   It started with panic attacks as I would just be drifting to sleep.   My heart would start racing, I couldn’t breathe.   It would take a good hour or so to calm myself down and then I just wouldn’t sleep the rest of the night.    Time went on and soon my days were filled with moments where I would be paralyzed with fear.   If I was entering Costco I’d be hit by one, if I was going to someone’s house I’d be hit by one.  The physical effects from these were draining not to mention how I’d feel mentally after one.   I viewed myself as weak.    If I were stronger or smarter I’d be able to stop them before they started.  

I discovered I am not weak nor am I stupid because Anxiety strikes me.   How I handle my anxiety is the key.   I used to be quiet about it.  I didn’t talk about it at all.  I was ashamed of myself for having it.   I would find myself condemning myself.  Chalking  it up to me just being the over emotional Jacqueline.   I started talking about it with some friends.   They didn’t condemn me.  In fact they encouraged me.   Reminded me to focus on what I know to be true.   Reminding just how much I am loved and giving me a few techniques to try when anxiety hits.  Just because anxiety hits doesn't mean I am weak!

 Monday morning came and out of the blue an anxiety attack hits.  My bracelets began to feel as if they were closing in on me.   Becoming hot to the touch, I was ripping them off as fast as I could.  I needed them off of me.  My watch was next followed by the beaded bracelet I never take off.  My heart was racing and I found it hard to swallow and the room had become a white color.  I could hear the words my friends had spoken to me playing in my head   “Focus on what you know to be true.”   I instantly started to pray.  “Lord, help me.”  As soon as I had prayed that prayer, my best friend showed up in front of me.  I don’t remember her being in the room when the attack started but I am guessing she was.   She had known something was off when she saw me rip my bracelets from my wrists.   It was God’s timing though.  She was an answer to my prayers.   She was God’s voice to me at that moment.   She didn’t look at me as if I were crazy.   She didn’t judge me.  She just reminded me how much I was loved and told me to focus on Jesus, picture his face inches from mine just whispering to me.    I did that.  I pictured Jesus sitting next to me reminding me how much he loved me.  I said his name out loud.    There is power in saying  His name! I simply stated his name out loud "Jesus"    

Within seconds the Anxiety was gone.  The room was back to order I could wear my bracelets again.

God does answer our prayers.  I cried out to him in a moment of panic and he was there.  The anxiety I felt that morning could have ruined the rest of my day, but I had faith that God had control and that he could take it away and he did.

I am never alone and I never have to let anxiety control my life.  God’s lover for me is bigger and stronger then my anxiety.

Another reminder this week of just how big My God really is!