Anxiety is a word that has become a regular in my vocabulary
in the last five years or so. Honestly
I think it’s been in my life since childhood.
It’s intensified in the last five
years or so. It started with panic attacks
as I would just be drifting to sleep.
My heart would start racing, I couldn’t breathe. It would take a good hour or so to calm
myself down and then I just wouldn’t sleep the rest of the night. Time went on and soon my days were filled
with moments where I would be paralyzed with fear. If I was entering Costco I’d be hit by one,
if I was going to someone’s house I’d be hit by one. The physical effects from these were draining
not to mention how I’d feel mentally after one. I viewed myself as weak. If I were stronger or smarter I’d be able
to stop them before they started.
I discovered I am not weak nor am I stupid because Anxiety
strikes me. How I handle my anxiety is
the key. I used to be quiet about
it. I didn’t talk about it at all. I was ashamed of myself for having it. I would find myself condemning myself. Chalking
it up to me just being the over emotional Jacqueline. I started talking about it with some friends. They didn’t condemn me. In fact they encouraged me. Reminded me to focus on what I know to be
true. Reminding just how much I am
loved and giving me a few techniques to try when anxiety hits. Just because anxiety hits doesn't mean I am weak!
Monday morning came and out of the blue an anxiety attack
hits. My bracelets began to feel as if
they were closing in on me. Becoming
hot to the touch, I was ripping them off as fast as I could. I needed them off of me. My watch was next followed by the beaded
bracelet I never take off. My heart was
racing and I found it hard to swallow and the room had become a white color. I could hear the words my friends had spoken
to me playing in my head “Focus on what you know to be true.” I
instantly started to pray. “Lord, help
me.” As soon as I had prayed that prayer,
my best friend showed up in front of me.
I don’t remember her being in the room when the attack started but I am
guessing she was. She had known
something was off when she saw me rip my bracelets from my wrists. It was God’s timing though. She was an answer to my prayers. She was God’s voice to me at that
moment. She didn’t look at me as if I
were crazy. She didn’t judge me. She just reminded me how much I was loved and
told me to focus on Jesus, picture his face inches from mine just whispering to me. I did that.
I pictured Jesus sitting next to me reminding me how much he loved
me. I said his name out loud. There
is power in saying His name! I simply stated his name out loud "Jesus"
Within
seconds the Anxiety was gone. The room
was back to order I could wear my bracelets again.
God does answer our prayers.
I cried out to him in a moment of panic and he was there. The anxiety I felt that morning could have
ruined the rest of my day, but I had faith that God had control and that he
could take it away and he did.
I am never alone and I never have to let anxiety control my
life. God’s lover for me is bigger and
stronger then my anxiety.
Another reminder this week of just how big My God really is!
