Middle of the Night Blogs

It's in the middle of the night, and I can't sleep. Normally this would be a problem. However I am at complete peace about this right now. I spent my time praying, reading and continuing to have Faith.

I know I keep saying this, but life can just stink! It hurts! It's not fair! It's horrible to see the people you love in pain. To hear their hearts break. To see them cry. To know that you can't fix it for them! That is ROUGH!

It hurts when you are going through your own battles and darkness. Where lies get into your head and your self worth falls to the ground. Where you've reached your breaking point but no one seems to be around to grab your hand and to hold onto you. It HURTS..

Life Hurts!

What I am learning is that, I can't solve the problems my loved ones are going through, and I can't run from what is hurting me. What I can do is pray. I can pray. I can pray! I can pray! I can have Faith. I can have Faith knowing the Lord My God is taking care of them and me.

Oh he is.. He honestly is.. Even when you don't see it at first. God is there.. He is holding you up. He is loving you! If you are open to loving him.. You have to open your heart. You have to let him. You have to give him the drivers seat. That's the hard part. No one likes to give up that control.

I am giving him the keys.. I am climbing in the back seat and I am going to rest, I am going to let him take control. I am going to let him guide me through life. I don't want the control anymore. It brings too much pain..

I am going to love myself better! I am going to love myself the way God loves me. I am going to love my friends the way God loves them. They are in my life because of him.

I can see God because of a friend. That is amazing! A year and half ago... I didn't know the Lord the way I had always pretended to... I finally let go and Let God and I have been blessed.. I have been so blessed...

I am hurting right now.. It's the honest truth.. I hurt and I am scared, but I am not alone. I have God in my corner and I have the best of friends and family a girl could ever ask for.

God... You are great!

Thank you for giving me the gifts, the lights.. You are just amazing!

Real

This post is the most real honest post, My anxiety level is high! It's so high I can't function.. All I can think about is one thing! I know I gave it to the Lord and I do trust him. I know he's taking care of me, but some days are just hard.. I just need some answers on what to do.. Please PLEASE PLEASE Pray that we get answers soon!

Thank you!

Me

Hearts Desire

I am now officially another year older! I made it! That's a great thing right? It was a fantastic birthday. I can't complain at all. The day was made special by the people I love. I couldn't ask for a better day. My heart and I decided it was the best Birthday EVER! :) Can't wait for next year.

After many hours of thinking and praying, I have finally come to see. I have been given what I have always asked for. I have it. God has given me what I longed for my whole life. It's here right in front of me. Has been for quite awhile and I had yet to see it. I am going through one of the hardest challenges I have ever gone through. It's really testing me emotionally, and spiritually. Some days are just bad bad bad days. I cry. I am emotional, I shut the world out and hide. However I have learned to put my faith in the Lord. I have grown so much closer to him. I can feel him so close. Now I am not saying that even though I am growing closer that some days just don't stink, because they do. But he understands and he lets me cry and he lets me scream. He knows that with in a few minutes I will be in conversation with him. Praying.. Which I am. With all of this he has BLESSED me! I have the most amazing people in my life. I always wanted a huge family growing up. I have one, but I wanted it bigger! I wanted lots of friends! I wanted to feel loved. I wanted people to grow with to learn with. I wanted connections and love.. I wanted to have people I could turn to in a moment of crises. I wanted someone who would just give me a hug and tell me that they loved me.. I have always loved movies, books, TV shows about.... Friends,sisters,family. I love relationships people build with each other. I love seeing all the unique bonds people form.

I never really took the time to stop and look around my own life. God gave me a great family the foundation family the ones that I share blood with... Huge... I have the best siblings and parents in the world. All special to me.

Then God slowly started adding people into my life, people who would become my close friends. My best friends People I couldn't picture my life with out. I have taken them for granted. I didn't even realize that I was getting what my heart desired.

So now I am walking this road and I am looking around and I see the hardships, but I see the light and it is so bright! I see God's work!

I am so excited, that I finally realized the gift that I have been given. Each person in my life is special and dear to me and hand picked by God to be there... You all have such a strong hold on my heart. I will love you all forever.

Lord, I just want to thank you for granting me this walk, this battle and putting each person into my life to help me walk this battle. You really are the powerful almighty knowing God... Amen!

You all inspire me daily!

Thank you for sticking with me even on the dark days where I am an emotional wreck, I know that sometimes I am a lot to handle... When my emotions are off the chart... Some of you know that more then others.. So sorry about those days but THANK YOU!!! Means the world to me!

I love you!

Again I say Thank You Lord for giving me what I have always wanted!

And if you are wondering about the picture... I call it a friendship flower that myself and a God given friend and I made one night while chatting... Its out of straw wrappers and I love it... Thank you Jenn :) I love you and those chats!