And that's a Wrap....

2010 is leaving this week can you believe that? This is my only chance that I am going to have to actually sit down and write this week so that's what I am doing. Reflecting on the the year.. 2010 was pretty great..

It's funny how in a year there are up and downs moments. That saying life is a roller coaster sure proves to be true.. There were those low points during the year the ones where I was tested. At those moments life felt unbearable, it felt like I would never get past them. That's the joys of being a emotional person :) However right now as I reflect I can't even remember what those moments were.. I know they helped shape me and helped me grow in some way or another and I am thankful for them but I am glad I can't remember exactly what they were and they didn't really tie me down as much as I thought at the moment.

As I look back on the year I realized how blessed I am.

My high lights of the year...... Aren't you excited to know? The suspense is intense right? :)

So here we go....

Through out the year I strengthend my bond with my friends.. We've gone through some hardships with each other and we've laughed.. We've spent many quiet times together as well as some adventures. I am grateful that group of friends.. Every time we are together I am more and more thankful them.

I got the chance to do an amazing play this year. Not only did it have a good message it brought me more blessings then I can even count. I found a church that I love. Met a great group of people. Gives me something to laugh about. Those memories I'll always Cherish even falling off the stage.. :)

I also made a friend during the play that I can't picture not knowing now. It's bringing me closer to the Lord. I love having Sisters in Christ.

I got to go down to Nevada for a week this summer where I got to visit with grandparents great grandmothers aunts uncles and cousins. What a special time... It's there I fell in love with my new favorite Movie. Ramona and Beezus.. Yes I am a dork but I absolutely love the movie...

I also sat down this year and wrote a book! Now I am putting some final touches on it and then going to try and get it published... Pray for me :)

A few of my friends welcomed brand new babies into their lives and have let me be a part of their children's lives... Gabriel Madison and Lucas are such sweet special babies I can't wait to watch them grow..

Not to mention I still have the best job in the world I get to play with kids all day long. Loving life.

This year has been wonderful.. I will remember 2010 with a smile..

I can't wait to see what 2011 brings :)

Finding Comfort

I am curled up with my favorite blanket that Rachel made me and I have a movie with Marie Osmond's voice playing. For those of you who don't know I am a big Marie Osmond fan and when I was younger when ever I was upset I found comfort in her cds. I may be a dork but at least I own it and I am not afraid to admit it. I also now find blogging to be my online journal and it brings me comfort, so this is what this is finding my comfort.

With me I am ONE emotional person, I feel everything and I take everything to heart. My feelings get hurt in a blink of an eye, and I am tired of hearing grow tough skin because well after 26 years it hasn't happened. Yes I've made growth as a person, I firmly believe that but the tough skin isn't something I am ever going to have. I believe in my heart that I was blessed with a sensitive soul for a reason and I am going to start embracing it! SO WHAT! If I cry? Why is it such a big deal?

I don't really know where I am going with this blog expect for getting up pent up anger and emotions out. Here I have been thinking the last few weeks that I am doing great and growing and finding things out only to find out that I am really no where different then I was six months ago. I am just depressed... I am sick and tired of always feeling like the failure. Always feeling that I give with a hundred and ten percent and it means nothing. I just right now feel like I am failing again and I hate failure I am afraid of failure.. I know alot of it has to do with my emotions..

So I am soul searching.. Who do I want to be? What do I want to do when I grow up? Only I can make myself happy.... So what can I do to find happiness?


On the up side, I do see God's Handy work everyday! THANK YOU LORD for snail mail when your day has gone down the tube with a simple a I LOVE YOU at the end. Thank GOD for a child's innocents hug and tender words when you can't see the brightness in the world. Thank GOD for friends who put up with your emotional side and don't tell you to grow a tough skin. Thank GOD for friends who can make you laugh in a way no one else can. THANK GOD for friends from the past that re surface just when you need them. Thank God for the family you've been given. Thank GOD for the little things in life that make you smile.

I THANK GOD that even when I am having a sadder day that I am still loved and blessed.

Thinking out loud

The last 3 nights I have been up in the wee hours of the night, it's not something I enjoy and it is a bit lonely at times. I am a sleep person I need sleep to function. The first day it was doable the second day was alright the third day was just annoying until I stopped and took a deep breath and realized that its not about me. Not everything is about me, and if I am going to call myself a child of God then I need to listen to when he's speaking to me. It doesn't matter how many times he tried to teach me that lesson I always end up messing it up. Good thing he is patient and loving. So I've realized I have been busy during the day and not making the time for him. So he's going to get me when he can. I've found myself praying for people, people I hardly know some for people that get under my skin and for some of the people that mean the world to me.

It's a good reminder that no matter what's going on in my life, I am God's child and I am not alone and he will use me when and how he can. I have FAITH in him and I love him...

So if you have any prayers drop me a line I'll be sure to pray.

Love

Jaxie :)