This week I had a melt down. Threw a tantrum like a child... Listened to that little voice inside of my head that told me I was not good enough. In fact I herd "You're ugly! You are too fat! You are too perky! You try to hard! No one really wants to be friends with you. You are too emotional... To damaged.. Beyond repair." Those were some pretty intense voices. They got me.. Oh how they got me... It was a full inward battle... Lots of anger and emotions. Things I haven't addressed. I push away. That's just me.
God gave me a gift.... He gave me a gift of a friend that no matter how much I try to shut out the world, she won't let me shut her out. She'll do anything to make me smile. She'll push me harder then anyone has ever pushed... This week she first assured me she loved me. Said some truths.. Hard things to hear... Things I needed to hear.. She hugged me and allowed me to share my feelings. She also challenged me. Challenged me to look at things a little different. Challenged me to not rob the joy out of my own life.
She challenged me to read a Psalm and a Proverb every day... Find truths in them. Realize my importance to God.
Replaying that conversation in my head... God gave me the best of friend... I see him through her daily... I am so very blessed.... THAT day... is going down in my joy journal. I am not okay with my behavior of that day. Things I need to work on.. However, I am thankful to see the growth in my life. To see just how much God loves me. To see his love in a bond between a friend that's is not describable...
I am so blessed....
Thank you God.....
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