2 Years later

Below I am copying and pasting an old blog entry. Actually one of the first blog Entries that I made. I was going through my blogs and re reading them to see where my life has been. I know I said it the other night, that I can use my blogs to help me to learn and grow. Some things are very similar. The situation two years ago was different. It was painful and hard to deal with and hard to understand. I am not going through the exact same battle that I was back then but I am handling what life has given me this time in almost the same way. Reading my own words was an EYE OPENER!! Yes I am still afraid of being abandoned.. So very afraid and yes I am still abandoning God... This time I am praying for everyone in my life, but I am not giving God my own personal problems. I am holding onto them lock and key. I am telling him I trust him with everyone Else's life but not my own. How on earth is that fair to him? How is it fair to anyone? So tonight before I go to bed, I think I am going to have that heart to heart with God and let go. Nothing good is coming from me harboring my fears and doubts...

This.. Right here.. This is why I am doing this blog. Growing. Changing, Loving others and myself in new ways daily.

Blog below.... Explains this one :)

Lots of love!

Sept, 13, 2011

Jacq



Writing in a Storm.
Ever feel abandoned? I am sure you have. I am sure we all have. I know I have many times in my life. I know that my biggest fear in life is being abandoned by the people I hold closest to me. So I know this. I fear this this. Yet I turn around and abandon God. The last two weeks God has been the furthest thing on my mind. How could God abandon Baby Cecil in those last moments? How could God Abandon that innocent little baby? But God did not abandon him. He did not abandon me. He's been here all along. He took Cecil into his arms and cradled him. He gave him love that NONE of us would ever be able to give him. God has not abandoned me. I've turned my back on him. But as I think more clearly I can still hear his voice. It's quieter than normal but it's here. He's waiting for me to turn around and grab onto him. So why is it so hard for me to do that? Why is it so easy to abandon the one that loves me the most?I need to stop running! I need to hear the truth weather it hurts or not. I need to face the facts and grab onto God's hand. I can not abandon the one who loves me the most.Is this a test or a trial? Does it really matter? The out come needs to be the same. God needs to be the center.Reaching out to GOD!

Sept 17th 2009...