This blog is going to be a two parter that's for sure. I have so much going through my head at one time. My blogs are letters to myself so I can always remember exactly where I was at this point in my life.
I was blessed this weekend to attend a Women's retreat with my church, though honestly us Sunrise women are family! It was an E P I C weekend. I can't thank the team that put it together enough for making it so special for us. They truly acted on what the Lord had in store for us and helped make it happen. God of course deserves the biggest Thanks of all because he was there! WORKING in so many hearts.
To start at the beginning of this ever since I've herd about the retreat I know I wanted to go. So when it was announced that we could sign up soon I was very excited. I found out the price and knew that I would pull it from savings because there would be NO way that I would want to miss this! However the week that led up to the first Sunday that we could sign up I ran into exactly 63 dollars! Gift from God! I didn't have to touch my savings account. God gave it to me! So that Sunday morning right after church I made it up to the front desk area where I could pay. I had to pay right away! I didn't want to be tempted to by forty some mocha's with it or by a half of cup of Gasoline with it... (With the gas prices these day I am sure that's pretty close :) ) I had also had previously talked to Carissa and was going to set up a time with her where I could hang out and chat. Two things on my mind to do... Well to make a long story short.. I signed up, paid and SET the lunch date with Carissa.. So it was a win win situation all the way around. I had peace that I was going, I write this all out because I think it's funny that I was just so intent on using the money God gave me for this retreat that I had to get it done right away! Well turns out.. I was the first one that paid and won a prize for that at the retreat!! Which was sweet and warmed my heart and reminded me of how joyful that day had been to me. To sign up for the retreat and to make time to spend with a new friend! Defiantly POPS of joy... Getting written down here and moving to my joy journal...
This season of my life has been rough, and emotional and very hard to deal with at times. Satan defiantly didn't want me to go to this retreat feeling good about myself. So the week leading up to the retreat was crazy! There was big stuff happening in my life. Things I didn't know how to prepare for. There was OLD past scars that hadn't been thought of in years ripped open and salt poured into them. Ouch. Lots of hurt... Lots of emotions and I was weak and didn't trust in God and acted on Satan's voice. He doesn't control me. I can't blame it on him. I followed his voice instead of the voice of God... I BELIEVED lies and lashed out at the people close to me. I was mean and nasty.. NOT myself. That is not something I do. I don't normally attack the ones I love, in fact if they hurt my feelings I brush it off shove it aside and never say anything. It's not worth hurting someone over. This time not so much.. I was at all time low!! Thankfully the ones I lashed out could smell the smoke around me and forgave me. It took me a few days to forgive myself and to ask God to forgive me for hurting his other children. It's done and forgiven but it was a growing lesson. It COULD have ruined this weekend for me. It could have made me miserable... It didn't... God was stronger. God IS stronger. He knew how much I needed to hear this weekend. He knew how much I needed to love others around me and be loved on by others around me. So he gave me the strength to stand back up, brush this week off and move forward!!
MORE to come in the next blog... There is just so much I want to get down.. Time has run out...
TBC... Praying for God's words on the next one..
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