Giving thanks is an act of surrendering... This blew me away this weekend. I have NOT given thanks for where I am right now. How could I? my point in life right now is low.. It's survival.. It's hanging on and LOOKING for the light. It's fear... It's PAIN.. It's loneliness. It's a lot un known... Or so I thought. How do you say "THANK YOU GOD" for this? When you've been trying to glue your shattered heart back together for the last nine months?
Through out this journey I have seen God's hands. I have known he was there with me. Even when I am throwing nasty little tantrums. I have NEVER doubted that God wasn't there. I have been beyond angry, and honestly I have been angry at him. I have had the Why questions? Why didn't he prevent this? He knew it was coming. Why do I have to go through MORE pain.. I have faced so much already. I was finally at a breathing point..
What I have come to understand through all of this, is it's always been in the plan. God's always been preparing me for this point in my life. I know this because I started tracing it backwards I can see a connection that started when I was eleven years old! I don't know what the point in this is. I do know that GOD is going to USE ME... He's going to use me to show his love and greatness some how through all of this. It might not be any time soon. It could be years from now.. I just know that I will get to show God's LOVE and that.... Right there in its self is the reason to stop and say "THANK YOU... Lord THANK YOU... Thank you for LOVING ME. Thank you for helping me Grow. Thank You for letting me be a LIGHT to the world. Thank You for what I do not understand.This morning I gave THANKS for my journey and I feel like a huge boulder has been lifted from my shoulders.
Nothing is solved right this second. I am still climbing the Mountain.. It's just easier now not carrying that burden on my shoulders. I now know what the plan is. The plan is just to trust and give thanks for the blessings and the joy I do have..
No comments:
Post a Comment